Shiver Me Timbers, Matey!

There are few things in life so liberating as a pirate costume. I've been a costumed character before--my most famous role was the Humana Women's Hospital Stork. But working at this year's Zoo Boo was the most fun I've had in ages. Not only did I get to look like a pirate, and talk like a pirate, but little kids actually BELIEVED I was a pirate! No one at the health fair ever believed I was a real stork. I invited countless 4 year olds to "join me pirate crew," and offered them a share o' me treasure (tricker treatin' candy.) I pointed to the rubber skeleton in the shark tank and solemnly informed them, "That be what happens to a pirate who can't swim." In return I got giggles, looks of awe, and got to see two of the funniest costumes ever. One was a kid who couldn't have been more than 5, dressed as Elvis--late Elvis, with the huge sideburns and oversize glasses. Those are some sick parents.... The other one was teeny, like maybe 3 or 4, dressed like a giant trout. From the front he was just kind of white, with a pointy head; then he walked past me, and there's this huge poofy stuffed fish tail and body kind of waving back and forth as he walked. I almost fell over laughing, it totally destroyed my pirate demeanor for about 30 seconds. Arrrr.... That be a good one.

I'm trying to resist the impulse to political post as the election draws closer, but it's hard. This new "Wolves" commercial from the Bush campaign pisses me the hell off. Not only is it a feeble attempt at fearmongering, but it strikes yet another blow to the environmental movement's attempts to re-educate the public about real wolves. Nice going, Mr. "I'm a good steward of the land." Only if the land doesn't contain any trees, plants, or animals on it. Pbbt.

The Joys of Marginal Living

There are few perks to having your employment situation in flux, but one of them is my ability to still be in my pajamas drinking coffee at 10:30 on a Monday morning. Another is the fact that I didn't have to make any special arrangements at all to accomodate the Heating Repair Guy's visit to relight my pilot light today. I wondered why it seemed so cold in here lately.... So since I've got no heat, other than the sketchy electric wall heater on the porch that will probably eventually cause my death, they're going to come by sometime today to relight the olympic flame within my ancient boiler. I'd do it myself, but a) I can't figure out where the pilot light actually IS, and b) I'd rather not blow up.

So my new Action Lifestyle (TM) has continued apace since the canoe inaugurated me into the world of adventure! I've.....er.....ok, so the week wasn't all that exciting. I began a much needed overhaul of my painting webpage. (It's not done yet, so no comments about "this link is broken" "that picture won't load", etc. are necessary.) I started painting a new army for Wargods of Aegyptus, and it's not dwarves. I drove around Crown Hill cemetary with some friends and finally found Dillinger's grave--I'd missed it the last time I was there. And Thursday night was the annual piligrimage with the southside gang to a local haunted house, though this year it was actually a haunted corn maze. Yes--the corn itself is haunted. It was actually pretty cool, about 2 acres worth of cornfield with a huge and fairly complex maze mowed into it. Navigating it in the pitch dark was highly entertaining, and for some reason I ended up in the front of our little party of five. I tried to explain to my fraidy companions that the person in front is in the least danger--the spooks wait until person #1 passes them before they leap out from between the cornstalks--but they heeded me not at all. So we wandered around, getting muddy and disoriented by the occasional strobe lights within the labyrinth. We were impeded slightly by the rain, which went from a gentle sprinkle to a steady patter over the course of an hour, and finally a nice young gentleman in a hockey mask with a chainsaw politely asked us if we'd like to be guided out of the maze so we could dry out. We ended up standing by a bonfire, still getting rained on but in a warmer way, drinking hot chocolate and enjoying ourselves. So I guess my week was not completely adventure-free! October is the bestest month, for sure.

16 feet of adventure!

16 feet of adventure!
Originally uploaded by hamaker88.

Just Call Me Mr. Danger!

I know that for most people, the words "Adventure" and "Cathy" are synonymous. It should come as no surprise then that I've been coveting the canoes and kayaks at the outfitter store in Broad Ripple all summer. I'd pretty much decided that me affording a canoe (even a used one) was about as likely as, say, Hal publishing his dissertation on the Origin of Catfood. Then, lo and behold! I'm walking past the outfitters a week ago Friday, and before me, sparkling like a shiny Royalex sapphire, is This Boat. Knowing I can't afford it, I take a casual look at the price tag.... and discover that I can, in fact, afford it. It's cheap, paddles are included, and I'm smitten. The next day I went back to mull it over and ask all sorts of smart questions about it. Before I knew what was happening, they'd thrown in a roof rack and I'd handed over my credit card.

I'd been planning a camping/hiking trip with RG for Sunday; when I called her up and told her about the canoe, she said "I can't believe you did that. You're nuts. Ooooh--we could go canoe camping!" Fortunately she's an experienced canoer and camper, so I trusted her utterly..... Right up to the point when it was pitch dark, 40 degrees out, and we were still paddling around the lake trying to find the intended campsite. Then my faith wavered. But only slightly! Within minutes of our agreement that maybe we should give up on the intended campsite, we'd made landfall, gotten a fire started, tent pitched, and dinner going. I wasn't even in total agonizing pain the next morning from all that paddling! Yep. An Adventurer is Me.

We also stopped at the Oliver Winery en route to the lake. This is not because we are wine buffs, but because Indiana's blue laws prevent the sale of alcohol on Sundays--except at small private wineries such as this one. The place is lovely, and the wine was excellent... as excellent as wine can be, really, considering it's not beer.

So yeah, Hal better call his publisher. It'll be a short book, though--"It comes from a tupperware tub in the bathroom closet. The End."

The Red Tie, or the Blue Tie...

Well, I opted against the Presidential Debate Drinking Game. Following the rules laid out in yesterday’s paper, I would already be crocked, and it’s only 30 minutes in.

I’m watching the debates, but not because I’m undecided about who to vote for. Perish the thought! I know who NOT to vote for.... but since I don’t actually watch network television or CNN, I’ve never actually heard John Kerry speak. I was pretty impressed with Howard Dean back during the primaries, mainly because he was the only one I ever caught an interview with on TV (and that was an accident. I hate TV media. Hate it hate it hate it. I get all my news from print media.... well, and Jeremy. And Fafblog.) But never saw Kerry or Edwards speak. I think that even were he to utterly bomb these debates, I could still vote for Kerry with a good conscience--one of those Lesser Evil things. But I’m pleased to see that I actually rather like him! I’m enjoying his little smiles during Bush’s commentaries; NBC, at least, is not holding with the debater demands, and there are lots of split-screen reaction shots. But if I hear Bush bring up the “wrong war wrong time wrong place” phrase one more time, holy crap.... I know I’m biased, but I do think Bush is not looking good here.

So who else wants to see a debate between Teresa Heinz Kerry and Laura Bush? I would SO buy tickets for that. I bet Teresa would whip Laura’s butt. Or--wait! Teresa Heinz Kerry vs. George Bush, followed by Laura Bush vs. John Kerry! Back to back mixed-doubles card fight! Oh yessss..... Why don’t they put me in charge of these things?

halbelly.JPG

halbelly.JPG
Originally uploaded by hamaker88.

In No Particular Order....

First off, my big doof of a cat, Hal, sprained his paw while loping around the house on Friday night. It got worse over the weekend, and Rat Girl kindly offered to assist me in taking him to the vet on Monday morning. The vet is a wonderful guy, everything went fine, Hal got a cortisone shot and behaved remarkably well. Well, that is, until we got home and set him down for .5 seconds to close the door before removing his leash. He rocketed up the stairs, the leash caught on the bannister, clotheslined him about halfway up, and he crashed back down on top of two gallons of water I had sitting on the steps for refilling the fish tank. One of them exploded, water went everywhere, and he went running back up the stairs to the extent of the still trapped leash and stared at me, white-eyed and trembling, with a look that said "This is All Your Fault." It was spectacular, though not in a good way. It took him the better part of 48 hours to recover emotionally. This morning, both his limp and his demeanor are improved.

I'm happy to announce my good job news, hinted at in a previous post; I'm now working part-time back in the hobby industry, for a company called Crocodile Games. For those who aren't quite so geeky as me and my fellow gamer nerds--basically they make small metal toy soldiers which people buy unpainted; they then paint them and use them to play tabletop wargames. In the Croc's case, the genre is kind of a fantasy Egyptian thing, with jackal-headed troops and bipedal crocodiles. The game is quite good, actually, I like it better than Warhammer, and the miniatures are great! The company has been doing great business since my friend Fitz started it back in '01, so much so that they've now got more orders than he and his partner can effectively handle. So I'm there to help them start the transition from being essentially a one-man operation to being a serious player in the hobby industry. It could come to nothing, or it could mean that a year from now I'll be working full-time for a successful company, going to conventions around the country to rep for the game. We'll see.

Third, I taught myself to use Adobe Illustrator this weekend, with the welcome assistance of Li's book on the topic. Nice program, like a highly complex and flexible version of Appleworks Draw. Or MacDraw, remember that?

Last, my Coffee Bitch tells me she has got her hands on a cookbook that will teach her how to make architectural cakes of epic proportions. I've placed my order for a cake that looks like Chartres Cathedral. Get to work, Sally!

Dispatch from Planet Lockdown

This morning I headed down to the Children's Museum to pick up some stuff for the contract work I'll be doing for them in the next few months. As long as I was there, I took time to go visit my dad's ship model and the new Dinosphere exhibit; I stayed through the 20 minute "weather cycle" of the exhibit, then headed home. Passed a surprising # of police cars, and noticed that two news helicopters seemed to be circling the area above my neighborhood. "Great," think I, "something's up." Between the Children's Museum at 30th St., and my place almost due north at 54th, I passed about 8 cops, the last one being on one of the two bridges into my neighborhood. This was alarming enough--cop cars at each intersection for over a mile?--but was made more alarming by the fact that the cop was standing outside of his car, and was holding an assault rifle.

Apparently, at almost the precise moment when I was crossing Boulevard on 52nd, en route to the museum, a dude suspected of being a car burglar was being detained by one of the Butler University cops outside Hinkle Fieldhouse (at 49th and Boulevard.) Not wanting to be detained, the dude grabbed the officer's gun and shot him in the head. Had I had my window down, I would probably have heard the shot. Had I followed my usual pattern of going down Boulevard rather than Capitol to get to 30th St., I might well have witnessed the incident, or possibly would have seen the gentleman in question fleeing the scene into the neighborhood south of mine. By the time I came back north an hour later, the police had spread a dragnet (which I unwittingly drove through) around the area. They were even checking the trunks of people's cars as they came out of Rocky Ripple. I spent about 2 hours indoors, watching the local breaking news on TV (and hooray for our local station who blurted out the name of the fallen officer mere moments before the police official announced that he was in fact dead, and that they were witholding his ID pending notification of kin. Nice going, you jerks.) I turned it off when I saw the 4 second clip of the officer's ambulance arriving at the hospital for the 12th time.... and sure enough, I knew when the manhunt was over without benefit of TV because 2 unmarked cars went tearing down my street, lights blazing, and both cop cars left the bridges in a hurry. The gentleman with the gun had been flushed out of someone's backyard about a mile south of me, and the police gunned him down while every other cop within a 2 mile radius sped to the scene. I'm no doctor, but in the helicopter view of that scene, the guy looked pretty dead. So with that, the lockdown was lifted, and we could go about our business. I was free to go to the bank, and pick up my dry cleaning, and think about the fact that this beautiful fall day just became the worst day of numerous people's entire life. That's true every day, of course.... but it usually doesn't happen in my literal back yard.

OK, That's Just....Ick.

As I've mentioned before, I enjoy using Sitemeter to see who's reading my blog and how they found me. Sure, it kinda gives me the willies when I see someone's Googled my name--but that's nothing compared to the utter creepiness of this week's hit spike. Since posting about Wonder Woman, below, I have gotten multiple hits from people Googling the phrase "Lynda Carter chlorofirm."** Tracking this back, I discover that I am only one of many sites which mention those three words in near proximity (not too surprising.) But the #1 spots on Google's list are taken up by.... shudder.... guys posting on message boards about how these scenes in WW turn them on. Chlorofirm** as sex aid--who knew? Good thing it ISN'T available at Sam's Club! And today's discovery of note: I am the #1 site to come up on Google when some weirdo Googles "Bionik Womyn chlorofirm." **

Changing to a less peculiar topic, I did watch "High Society" this evening. While I'd agree that some of the musical numbers are worth hearing (Karen, I preferred the Celeste Holm/Sinatra duet about "who wants to be a millionaire") the movie itself has none of the sparkle and depth of the original "Philadelphia Story." I don't think it's just my natural prejudice in favor of the fab four in the main roles, either. The plot has been severely thinned to allow for the music, and C.K. Dexter Haven's character has been utterly changed. He's no longer a reformed alcoholic--which is why Tracey divorced him in the first place in PS--now he's a jazz song writer, which somehow was grounds for divorce in this film instead. So we go through the whole film thinking Tracey's an utter idiot for dumping Dex, and we know she'll go back with him because there's no reason NOT to. And Cary Grant's Dex takes great pleasure in tormenting Tracy, while Crosby makes it continually obvious he's madly still in love with her. Sinatra's bad boy image doesn't jive well with the Mike character, we don't see his passion for writing or his fascination with anything other than Grace Kelly's feminine assets.... I do like Celeste Holm, but she still lacks the sharp sardonic edge that Ruth Hussey brought to Liz. The girl who plays the little sister is funny, but a little more cutesy and less conniving than Virginia Weidler. Basically HS is not as razor-sharp or witty as PS, and its peculiar character/plot holes are hard for me to overlook just because of the music. A good musical should integrate its songs within the framework of a solid and interesting plot, and HS just doesn't. Guess I'm still out of the will.....

**I edited this post after the third time someone googled the above phrase (spelled right) and spent a considerable amount of time on my site. Stands to reason if you're a weirdo, you don't necessarily like being called a weirdo on the first site your search pulls up. So unless they bookmarked me, they won't be finding this site again. Shudder.

Knot Gardens

Knot Gardens
Originally uploaded by hamaker88.

Thanks to the Hoser, I'm now a flickr member. So I'm posting some pics of the place where I worked this summer. My last day was last Sunday, and I already miss it... sort of. The pics aren't great, but you'll get the idea of what the place is like.

I Suppose It Was Inevitable...

My parents officially disinherited me this evening. And not even for the reasons I would have imagined--all my grevious wrongs as a daughter apparently weren't enough to push me over the ledge of parental non-ownership. No, my unforgivable sin was that I confessed to not liking Frank Sinatra. Yes. It's true. I don't like Bing Crosby either; I think that was the real deal-breaker right there. It began with an argument over whether "High Society" is a superior film to its non-musical counterpart, "The Philadelphia Story." Naturally, I hold that any film with Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart and Ruth Hussey is by definition superior to one with Frank and Bing. Pressed, I finally said "But I just don't like Sinatra...." and it was all downhill from there. My favorite movie musical is "Singin' in the Rain," and therefore my favorite musical singer is Gene Kelly. Mom insists that Gene isn't a singer, he's a dancer, to which I say well he sure sounds like a singer when he's actually SINGING in the RAIN.... You can guess how things progressed. And then the final straw was when I reluctantly admitted that I haven't actually watched "High Society," although I've seen many other films with Bing and Frank and haven't warmed up to either of them in the slightest. So I'm out of the will. They're giving it all to the Republican Party instead because they know that will really twist the knife for me. Guess I'll have to watch the movie to get out of el casa de canem.

Oh, and while I usually shy away from reading political blogs when I don't actually know the person behind them, I'm totally taken by Fafnir and his Fafblog. I've been reading it periodically when Rubber Hose links to it.... but I think I'm going to be a regular now. "Laundry Day" convinced me that these guys are above average, high-quality lunatics; it's like political commentary on an extended acid trip. I love it. I wish I could write like that.

Well, THIS Should Come as a Surprise to No One....


What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

: I need to be "hands on": I like to play games, to compete, and to perform. I enjoy flexibility, changes of pace, and variety. I have difficulty with routine and structure. My favorite subjects are music, art, theatre, and crafts. I often excel in sports. I like solving problems in active ways and negotiating for what I want. I can be direct and like immediate results.
With friends: Planning ahead bores me because I never know what I want to do until the moment arrives. I like to excite my friends with new and different things, places to go, and romantic moments.
With family: I need a lot of space and freedom. I want everyone to have fun. It is hard for me to follow rules, and I feel we should all just enjoy one another.

Once again, surprisingly accurate. Maybe I should go buy that bike....

In Your Satin Tights....Fighting For Your Rights....
And the Old Red White and Blue-ooooo!

It's been a glorious few weeks for me, for sure. Pure happiness arrived, in the form of the full first season of "Wonder Woman" on DVD. Rat Girl brought to my attention the fact that this had been released (by saying, "this is what I would have got you for your birthday if I'd had any money." She got me a cool stuffed "Animal" from the Muppet Show instead, and I bought the DVD myself. So it was like two gifts for the price of one, and now I can make Animal shout "WO-MAN! WO-MAN!" whenever Lynda Carter is on the screen.) Naturally I hit Amazon up for it right away with some of my birthday money, and in no time at all I was watching Diana Prince twirl and explode into my favorite superheroine of all time. What an awesome show. This is just the first season, which takes place during World War II (as did the old comic book) and Wonder Woman aids America in its battle against the Nazis--who are slightly less incompetant than Hogan's Heroes' Nazis, but only slightly. She spends most of her time rescuing Major Steve Trevor, who gets hit on the head and knocked unconcious an average of twice per episode. He's supposed to be a decorated Air Force hero and veteran, and yet he's constantly a victim of the sap, the sucker punch, and the chloroform rag (apparently the Nazis buy chloroform by the gallon jug. They use it all the time. Maybe there were Sam's Clubs selling this kind of stuff in bulk during the Third Reich.) Yet every time Wonder Woman rescues Steve it's always "Gosh, thanks Wonder Woman! What would I do without you?" He's never embarassed that he has to get saved by a chick every freakin' week.... He never seems particularly emasculated or threatened by Diana's physical superiority, and I think this is an interesting point. I can't think of many other women superhero shows like this; "Xena" leaps to mind as a good example of the opposite, where the guys are consistantly underestimating Xena, and always embarassed that she can whip their butts so easily. I can't remember details of "The Bionic Woman" quite so well, but it was on during the same time period as WW, and I seem to have the sense that it too took the attitude that physical strength and femininity are at cross-purposes--and of course, Jamie's love interest is the Bionic Man, who is stronger/faster/better than she is. The more I think about this, the more intrigued I become. I'm not saying that "Wonder Woman" broke all the stereotype barriers--we won't even talk about Etta Candy, the chubby, man-obsessed, compulsive eater best-friend--but I think it did venture into some then-uncharted waters as far as female hero models.

And of course, Lynda Carter is seriously hot.

It's All About Me, Me, Me.

Once again, I find myself captivated by the Jenny Turpish Slapped Me website. This time it's quizzes, thanks to Jane.... But I also highly recommend her "Oregon Trail As I Play It" page, which made me laugh so hard I cried.

Anyway, here's my fun quiz result for the day.
Better Relationship Quiz
eXpressive: 4/10
Practical: 3/10
Physical: 6/10
Giver: 8/10

You are a RSYG --Reserved Sentimental Physical Giver. This makes you a Nice Guy/Nice Girl .

Oh, poor RSYG. You're the one all your friends of your target sex *should* be dating when you have to watch them go out with jerks. You're the sweet one that the lead in a romantic comedy ends up with after s/he learns a valuable lesson. You're the best friend, the chaperone and the shoulder to cry on when you should be the lover. Well, no one ever said people were smart.

You dislike conflict -- you prefer to express yourself through action, not discussion -- but you know it is necessary. This means you are more likely to tackle an issue before it grows, but you're also more likely to stop fighting before the issue is resolved to your satisfaction. This isn't necessarily a bad thing -- it's kind of a nice compromise between fighting about everything and fighting about nothing -- but you have to remember to look out for your own interests sometimes.

You have a strong sexual appetite, but it seems so out of place with the rest of your persona that people find it hard to believe. Often they try to shield you from sexual content -- it's ridiculous, but you can use it to your advantage: everybody wants someone clean in the kitchen and dirty in the bedroom. That's you.

You don't want to cheat, but you might. Especially since it's only when you're in a relationship that you start getting the attention from your target sex that you should have been getting all along. Your experiences could make you misanthropic if you weren't so tenderhearted.

A lot of RSITs think they're RSYGs. They're not.

You'll end up with someone who deserves you in the end.

Of the 39124 people who have taken this quiz, 4.2 % are this type.

Uncanny, no? I'm not sure if I'm more entertained by the description of my relationship style (which is not bad at all) or by the repeated use of the phrase "your target sex." I realize that they're just trying to keep the quiz gender and preference neutral, but "target sex" is just funny. If you flip it around, it becomes "sex target," which is even funnier. I've always wanted to be a sex target! And yet, as an RSYG, I'm just not on the targeting radar.... Hee hee hee. Ok, sorry. Moving on.

Right, so classes have started, I'm once again a student--it's getting old, folks, I'm almost no longer excited by the purchase of new pencils and notebooks--and the class consists of 8 undergraduate graphic design majors, and 2 museum studies students who wouldn't know Adobe Illustrator if it came up and bit us on the butt. For all I know, it has that capability.... the butt-biting plug-in, or something. Anyway, I'm hoping to come out of this with at least a passing knowledge of GD software and something to put in a portfolio. All design majors have portfolios, and I want one too! In other news, there's some stirrings on the job front, but I'll save that for a future post when I can leave out words like "maybe" and "possible" and all that.

Gimme a G! Gimme an E! Gimme an N! Gimme a CON!
What's That Spell?? NERDCON!!

I just spent the better part of a week in GenCon mode. This means out-of-town guests, an orgy of game-related activities, and cash flowing away like water down a hill. It feels like I've been running non-stop since Wednesday; while I've had a great time, I'm utterly dead tired and looking forward to a nice quiet evening at home, painting the minis I bought to sell on Ebay. I'll blab at more length about the con on my gaming blog, which has lain fallow and dusty since....er....February, apparently. Hmm. I fail.

Mainly, though, I spent much of this weekend eating and drinking through the kindness of others. I was bought lunches, dinners, beers, toys, and snacks by friends both local and visiting. Alex, Karen, Rob, Gareth, Andy--your generosity was much appreciated. Really. Next Gencon, dinner is on me!

And in the meantime, I'm happy to announce that A Cautionary Tale has decided on its Official Endorsement for the 2004 Presidential Election. Throw your votes behind the candidate who IS a Weapon of Mass Destruction! No More Years! No More Years!

3...2...1.. MAWIDGE!!

I just got back from my friend Jane's wedding in San Francisco, which was lovely except that I don't do 4 hour plane rides so well anymore. I was feeling pretty barfy on arrival, and again when I got back today. I know I should look into taking drugs for this, but I have an irrational paranoia that the plane will crash and in my half-witted state I won't be able to follow the directional floor lighting to the safety rafts, and I'll be trampled to death by the people in business class.

Anyway, it was such a fast trip I'd think I dreamed it, except for the tiny agonized screams still coming from my calf muscles after spending Friday cruising the hills and valleys of SF. Chinatown, my main target destination for that day, was all I'd ever imagined it to be, though slightly (if you can believe it) cleaner. I can't tell you what a joy it was for me to walk the streets with the voice of Egg Shen in my head: "We'come to beautifow Chinatown..." sipping buttery green tea from a styrofoam cup and perusing a vast selection of tacky crap for my purchasing pleasure. It was like a little slice of tchotchke heaven. So yeah, I had a good time. Rocklawn took me on a stroll around That-Which-Is-Not-Chinatown, including The San Francisco Cable Car Museum, which I thought was excessively cool, and the incredible Musee Mechanique at Fisherman's Wharf. I still haven't forgiven DisneyWorld for dumping the Penny Arcade on Main Street; the MM is a paradise of old coin-op dioramas, fortune tellers, orchestrions, skill games, and mutoscopes. Again, what more could I have asked for? Well, I could have asked for a BART train not to have broken down on the track right when I was trying to get back to Oakland for the wedding Friday afternoon.... Talk about the cold taste of pure fear; I was actually preparing to begin running frantically along the tunnel under the bay, when the problem was suddenly solved and I was on my way again. Gah.

Sarah, my wonderful yet loud-snoring roommate has kindly taken the task of wedding review. I don't have a lot to add, except to say it was fantastic, I had a great time, and the awesome pint glass party favor will have a place of honor in my glassware collection forever. Jane and Sarah, thank you so much for inviting me to share this weekend with you and all your friends. It was a blast. Love you guys, hope you're having a great time on the honeymoon.

You Know You've Been Working at the Zoo Too Long When....

....you're sitting on the patio of an Italian restraunt, waiting for your parents to meet you, and you hear a dog bark in the distance and think "Dang, what's a sea lion doing around here?" Sheesh.

Brilliant post from last time will have to wait. I'm off to San Francisco today, for Jane's wedding. I'm greatly looking forward to it, I've never been out there. Also meeting up with Sarah, (at least I hope I am, the room reservation is in her name) and Rocklawn, who I haven't seen in a couple years. This departing at 3 pm is great, I slept in and still had time to pack, clean up the house, and blog. Of course, coming back I have to be at the SF airport by like 6 am.... Gah.

God. Damn.

Once again, a single wrong keystroke has deleted an entire post I was working on; blogger's text editor is remarkably unforgiving, there's no "undo" once something's been done. And if I write posts offline and paste them into blogger, the formatting is massively screwed up. I'm too irritated now to reconstruct--it was a good post too--so it'll have to wait til later when I've cooled down a bit. Snarl. Growl.

Hey, lookit me! I'm old!

34 as of yesterday, to be precise. No secrets on this blog....

I like to think i share my birthday month with thousands of Brood X cicadas; not again til I'm 51, what a thought! Anyway, it was lovely, I bought some perennials for my yard, went to lunch with my mom, went to a baseball game with Karen and Andy, saw some fireworks, had a great time. Tonight I'll be going out with a few friends, including the now-infamous Rat Girl and Butterfly Woman. Tiptop in the loot department, got a bike helmet and a Camelbak, a David Sedaris book and a set of handkerchiefs. What more could a girl ask for?

Dep-itty Do Dah Day

Pictures can be found here. The before picture is me about a month ago, doing my monkey face. The after pictures are one wet, with gel still glimmering on my bonnie brown hair, and the other is after it's dried and gotten mucked around a bit. In the background of the latter is my hammock, which is right now the best thing I own. (Well, other than the bottle of Dep, of course.) I've had this hammock since I went to Brazil in 2000; I bought it because everyone there sleeps in hammocks all the time--at least in small villages in Amazonas, which is where we were. So, romantically, I thought I would use it to kick back on the boat we were in. Then I realized that all the hammock hooks on the boat were right over the sides; while our Amazonian boat dudes cheerfully swung their hammocks from these hooks each night, I was confident that any attempt to mount a hammock hung in this fashion would end with me dropping about 20 feet straight down into the dark waters of the Rio Negro, never to be seen again. Undaunted, I brought it home to my rental house whose yard contained.... One. Tree. You see the problem. So when I moved here I was all about the hammock again, plenty of large trees here. So large, in fact, that I would have had to drill a huge eyebolt into them to secure the hammock since there were no branches at the proper height. Once again, I failed--didn't want to drill, and didn't trust the hardware I might have used to secure it. Now, finally, Restoration Hardware has come to my rescue with a miracle product: Tree Straps. With no harm to either tree, I am now swinging blissfully outdoors in my authentic Amazonian hammock on a daily basis. It rules.

(By the way, MLE, this is your cue to say, "My god, Cathy, you haven't aged a day since college!" Since I don't think we've actually seen each other since 1991.... Or at least, don't say "My God, Cathy, what happened to you....")

Behold, the Power of Gel....

Pardon the lengthy pause. Just presume that had I been blogging in the last couple weeks, the posts would have been titled as follows: "It was hot at work today." "Why won't it rain? I hate watering plants. It was hot at work!" "I found a $100 bill in the street, so I'm probably going to die soon." and "Jesus, it's hot."

I'm pretty OCD about my hair. Actually, I'm pretty OCD about a lot of things, but that's another story. (At least I'm not OCD about watering the petunias on the trellises at work--wait, that's ANOTHER other story. Rewind. Hair.) My haircut hasn't changed substantially in quite some time, and I tend to obsess just a little about its length and shagginess level.... But the summer weather has conspired against me, as you can see in all those posts I didn't write; I finally decided it was time to get my hair cut short. Not super short, but a lot shorter than I usually do. It's sad how freaked I was at this prospect before I finally did it--would my ears show? Would they look stupid? Would >I< look stupid? Would people point and laugh? Rationally, of course I know no one except me gives a crap what my hair looks like, but irrationally it's right up there with, say, the Space Program and Oprah's Book Club. So I bit the bullet, got the cut, and you know, it looked just fine! And felt cool, which was key.

Well, the next thing I knew, the trickle of change led to a rivulet of styling gel. Two friends, who we'll refer to here as Rat Girl and Butterfly Woman (sort of to protect their identities, but mostly because it makes them sound like really lame superheroes) took me to Target, stood me in front of the hair products section, and forced me to select gel.
ME: How about this one? It says "Sports" on it!
BW: No.
ME: How about this one? It's in a cool shaped bottle!
RG: No! Be serious.
ME: Hey, this one is purple! Can I--
BOTH OF THEM: NO.
Eventually, the proper gel was selected--in an odd coincidence with previous posts, the one I chose was orange--and we went back to RG's house to sculpt me out. I have a powerful aversion to anything that reminds me of those horrible makeover slumber parties in 7th grade where they'd pick the one girl who didn't wear makeup (me) and hold her down while they "fixed her up." But I trust the dynamic duo, stifled the tiny flame of internal panic, and let them do my hair. It was fun. Admittedly I look kind of like the dudes from "Grease," in the Go Greased Lightnin' number... But I kinda like it. It's worth 2 extra minutes in the morning and a glob of orange non-sport "Dep" gel. So we'll see how long it lasts.

Gardens, 911.

I know a lot of people have been asking themselves, "So what's wrong with Cathy? She hasn't injured herself or released a dangerous animal at the zoo in months!" I know, it's disappointing. I made up for it Friday, though, by self-inflicting an injury messy enough to require an accident report and a trip to the first aid office. Jane's first question: Was there an animal involved? No. Now that I'm working full time in the Gardens, I seldom have those rich opportunities to fall into animal enclosures that last summer afforded me. Mundanely, I caught my finger in the door to West Receiving, removing a small circle of skin and causing me to bleed profusely. I thought I'd actually broken it, because it hurt like a...well, it hurt a whole lot. I stumbled back through the door, gripping my finger with my other hand, tears mingling with the sweat on my face (it was plenty hot here Friday, and I'd been out planting red, white, and blue petunias for the holiday weekend. Curse you, patriotic spirit of the 4th!) Anyway, so my coworker, Susan, is one of the nicest people I've ever worked with. She's a Christian, and disapproves of obscenity, so I try very hard when I'm around her to curb my natural tendencies toward profane utterance. I drop into a chair, blood dripping from my hand, teeth clenched, and Susan is going, "You look like you're going to faint! Are you OK? I'll call security. We'll take you to Summit (the occupational health clinic) right away and get it x-rayed!" I didn't want to tell her that the reason I looked so agonized was not just the extreme pain in my hand, or the sight of blood--I don't faint--but because I was trying so hard to supress the torrent of obscenity which would, under other circumstances, have been flooding from my lips.

All's well, though, no x-ray needed, just bandages and antibiotic ointment. Maybe next time I'll have a butterfly related injury for you all.... but this time, just a door.