The Horror....The Eldrich Horror....
I know it's a bit late, but I just received a transcript of my favored presidential candidate's concession speech. I'm reprinting it here as follows:
SCENE: ELDER PARTY HEADQUARTERS
NEWSCASTER: (voice over) Well, it seems with the early tallies strongly favoring incumbant president George W. Bush, the Elder Party spokescultists seem to be preparing to--wait! It looks as if Great Cthulhu himself is stepping to the podium!
(sounds of cheering, chanting)
GREAT CTHULHU: RRLLLGHTH BLLLRAAAR IARKK' SROOOOOOM KK'KK GRRAGHTH N'HAL!
TRANSLATOR: Great Cthulhu thanks you all for your support in this difficult campaign season!
GREAT CTHULHU: EEEGH'TAN MRAK BRFFUK HURM HURM F'THAN NEEGASH!
TRANSLATOR: Great Cthulhu states that he has already placed phone calls to both John Kerry and George W. Bush....
GREAT CTHULHU:GTHAN THAN BOOKRUG MEEF I'ANNETH PTNAG ZUTRUF GHET B'TANG BWA HA HA HA!!
TRANSLATOR: ....and that even now they are both being horribly devoured alive by His Spawn from Beyond the Stars! (wild cheering)
GREAT CTHULHU: IG BTOO MRAK a'WANAA SPIFF PLTAK BRNK...
TRANSLATOR: Great Cthulhu says that no Elder God could wish for a more devoted and loyal group of follwers....
GREAT CTHULHU: PTFF ZZZ'NAP KRST RRG DR'IA IA B'NATH BYAK SNMMM HO'TAK.
TRANSLATOR: ....which is why He looks forward to tormenting and consuming each and every one of you this evening! (more cheering, followed by sounds of gruesome carnage.)
Well, you head it here first, folks. America chose GW Bush over the Party of Mass Destruction... Go Figure.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
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